The Scars We Carry
by InTheCompanyOfDragons
Summary: All hunters carry scars, but some effect the people around them as much as the one who bares them. This is a story about two brothers, the one who embraces being a hunter and the other that has to decide if he should stay with his family, or run from the darkness that he feels inside him. Brotherhood AU as created by Ridley. You know how this goes, Reviews food.
1. Chapter 1

The Scars We Carry

Sam was sequestered in his room at Pastor Jim's farm working on homework for a summer school program he was doing. John had agreed because Sam said he didn't have to go to school for it, he could fill the booklets out at home, and that if he did well he could graduate a semester early. Sam knew what was expected of him once school was over, he was supposed to join the family business full time and hunt down the thing that had killed his mother, and while Sam didn't want to do that, he knew that there was no way out for him, he had to stay, it was his family and that was all he had.

Caleb knocked on the door before pushing it open and flopping down on Dean's bed. Sam made a show of ignoring the older hunter, Caleb was Dean's best friend, and basically like another brother to Sam, but there was a twelve year age difference and the two men sometime had difficulty relating to one another.

"You know the point of knocking is waiting for someone to say it is okay to come in…" Sam said not looking up from his school work.

"Yeah well, I was trying to be semi polite, but I was going to ignore the snarky teenage 'fuck off' you were going to give me anyway, so I figured I would save us both some time." Sam snorted and closed the booklet in front of him, leaning back against the uncomfortable office chair.

"What's up Caleb?"

"Nothing, I was bored so I decided to come see what you were doing." Sam smirked; sometimes Caleb acted like he was twelve instead of twenty nine.

"I am afraid I won't be much help on the boredom front, I have an AP Algebra booklet, and a Psychology booklet to do." Caleb quirked an eyebrow at Sam.

"Psychology huh? I gotta ask, what the hell does your psychology textbook say about us?"

"Well… we are right up there with serial killers… and crazy military survivalists who live in underground bunkers like mole people." Caleb laughed.

"Well we may do military drills all the time, but at least we live on a farm instead of underground. Why are you doing school work all summer anyway? You know this is when regular seventeen year old boys get drunk and try to get laid right?"

"Why not? Hopefully it will knock off five months of high school… and meeting girls is kinda hard when you spend your summers on a farm in the middle od Kentucky."

"Yeah… we really need to get you out more. Soooo…. You are trying to get out of school early? Why? I thought you were one of those weird nerds that loved school." Sam shrugged.

"I don't want to drag this out longer then I have to…" Caleb sat up and moved down to the end of the bed facing Sam.

"So what? Once you are done high school that's it? You are just going to hunt?" Sam looked up at Caleb incredulously.

"What did you expect me to do?"

"I don't know… you've been talking about college for years…" Sam snorted.

"Please… my Dad would lose his mind..."

"Since when do you care what your Dad thinks?"

"Since always… he's still my Dad."

"What about Deuce?"

"What about him?"

"Do you think he would want you to go?" Sam shook his head.

"Did you know that Dean got a baseball scholarship to LSU?" Caleb tilted his head at Sam.

"He never told me that…" Caleb was shocked at that revelation; there weren't many secrets that they kept from each other.

"He never told anyone, I found the letter when I was packing one day… I never asked him about it, I didn't want to make him relive that."

"So… you think because he didn't go you shouldn't either?" Caleb asked carefully. "He is a born hunter Sam, he loves what he does, you're… different… you love all that bookworm crap."

"Caleb, I'm not stupid. I know I was the reason he stayed, maybe not the whole reason, but at least part of the reason. Dad and I would have killed each other if we were left alone for four years. So after all that he has done for me, and all he has sacrificed for this family, what does it say about me if I walk away now? He shouldn't be the only one who has to sacrifice things." Caleb opened his mouth to answer, before he heard the door downstairs slam shut and John yelling downstairs.

"That can't be good." Caleb said standing up, Sam followed closely behind him, walking into the kitchen where Jim and Bobby were standing with John Winchester who was yelling.

"I couldn't find him, and I had no back up what was I supposed to do!" John screamed slamming his fists against the counter.

"You were supposed to find a place your satellite phone worked and call us for help you jackass!" Bobby yelled back.

"What's going on?" Caleb asked. The three older men turned around looking between Caleb and Sam. Sam tensed, as he knew instantly what had happened. Sam stepped towards John leaving mere inches between him and his father.

"What did you do?" Sam asked with fire in his voice. John kept his face stern as he looked at his youngest son.

"The witch got the drop on us, and I couldn't get us both out of there…" Something in Sam snapped as he threw his father back against the wall. The air seemed to be sucked out of the room as no one made a move to separate the Winchester's

"You left my brother alone in the woods!?" Sam growled, slamming John against the wall one more time. Sam had grown over the past year and had packed on some muscle, but John could still take him down, if he hadn't been so shocked. Sam and John argued constantly, but they had never laid a hand on each other in ager before.

"I didn't have a choice! It was either that, or we both died!" Sam let go of his father as Caleb pulled him back by the back of his shirt. Sam went willingly but kept his gaze on his father.

"Dad, I swear to God, if anything happens to him, I am taking it out of your ass!" Sam fell back into Caleb as John's fist collided with Sam's cheek. Uncharacteristically, Jim stepped in and pushed John back against the wall. Jim was a man of words, not violence but John had gone to far.

"John Winchester you will not strike your child on my property! Now go wait in your truck, Samuel, Bobby, and Caleb will meet you out there, and you will bring Dean home." Jim let go of John and he headed towards the screen door, stopping for a second and peering at Sam one last time.

"Be pissed at me all you want Sam, but remember who is in charge here, if you are coming, you are fighting for me, leave the attitude behind." Sam eyed his father coldly, and the look made the rest of the men in the room uncomfortable because Sam was usually the sensitive one, the one who pulled the others back into humanity when they went a step to far, but at that moment he looked like hunter through and through.

I know who I am fighting for." Sam said evenly. "And it isn't for you." Sam turned and went up the stairs, while John slammed the door behind him heading back out to his truck. Jim turned back to the other two hunters in the kitchen.

"Bobby you ride with John, I think it would be better if Sam rode with Caleb."

"Yeah… good call Jim." Caleb said.

"Same for the hunt, normally I wouldn't say this, but keep the Winchester's apart on this one. Caleb stays with Sam the whole time."

"Yes sir, now I gotta go pack up, my best friend is out there in the woods and I plan on bringing him back before the sun comes up." Caleb replied.

"Bring him back in one piece… bring them all back in one piece."

"We will." Bobby said. Caleb headed up the stairs to grab his weapons, and headed out to the Jeep, Sam came out a few minutes later and slid into the passenger seat beside him, hiding his already bruising cheek behind his hair.

Caleb followed John's truck through the night, sparing glances over to Sam every once in awhile who still had that same cold blank look in his eye that had been present for the past few hours.

Sam was a hunter and a member of the Brotherhood, but he carried unique qualities in him that other hunters didn't have. Sam wasn't innocent by any means, he knew what was out there in the dark, he had killed monsters, ran into burning buildings and he saved innocent people from their worst nightmare without so much as a flinch, but he was also the only hunter out there that was born into this. He had no memory of his life before hunting, and he didn't remember what had brought him into the life.

He didn't have the hate in his heart that the rest of them did, and it was a quality that everyone loved about Sam, for most of the men in their family, Sam was a constant remember that there was still some good left in world.

Yet in that moment Caleb couldn't see that kid, he saw hate and fear in Sam's face, and couldn't find the five year old who helped him build bridges and believed in dragons, and that scared Caleb more then he would ever admit out loud.

"Hey Sammy? You okay?"

"I'm not the one being held in the woods by a pissed off witch, I'm fine."

"Yeah but… your Dad hit you pretty hard back there." Sam snorted.

"I've been hit harder then that by school yard bullies Caleb, I'm fine." Caleb swallowed hard.

"Sammy…"

"Don't. Whatever lecture you are about to give me can wait until we find my brother… he is what is important right now." Caleb couldn't hold back the laugh, which caused Sam to scowl at him. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing kid, I am just realizing that you could really give Deuce a run for his money with the protective Mama bear shit." Sam just shrugged his shoulders. Caleb and Sam stayed silent for the rest of the drive, until they pulled over on the side of the road and got out of the jeep walking up to John and Bobby.

"Alright, the cabin is about 1 mile North East into the woods, that is where she is holing up, hopefully she brought Dean there. If you see an opportunity to get Dean out of there take it, and I will come back and deal with the witch later, if not, she is human, and I am pretty sure she can be taken down. Everyone clear?"

"Yeah, lets go get him." Caleb answered; Bobby nodded his confirmation, while John narrowed in on Sam.

"Is that clear Sam?"

"Yeah, crystal." Caleb and Sam went off there own way, they would meet John and Bobby up near the cabin.

"Hey Sammy?" Caleb whispered.

"Yeah?" Sam replied.

"I want you to stay behind me okay? Don't take a shot at the witch unless you have to…" Sam frowned and lowered his gun a little bit, stopping for a second, watching Caleb carefully.

"Why?"

"Well because she may be a crazy bitch… but she is still human… I don't want you to have to take the kill shot…" Sam laughed coldly.

"She took my brother, and she is holding him captive somewhere in the woods. She is the definition of a monster, so if I have to kill her so be it, she is the exact same piece of shit I have been hunting all my life… worse even, she chose to be like this. No, I feel no guilt for having to put a bullet in her fucking head." Sam turned and continued towards the cabin. Caleb shivered and then jogged to catch up to Sam, it was going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

The cabin came into view and Sam and Caleb crouched behind some bushes, waiting for a signal that Bobby and John were nearby. Caleb was watching Sam out of the corner of his eye; the boy was crouched down and his eyes were fixed on the cabin in front of him, focused and alert. While Sam had always been a good man to have on a hunt, he was strong smart and good with a gun, but he always maintained this glint of innocence that you could see behind all of his movements. Anyone who knew him well could tell he was trying to look past the monster, focus on saving the victims instead of focusing on the kill like most hunters did. He never took pleasure in the death of the creature in front of him; he killed monsters because he had to, not because he wanted to. It was one of those qualities that made Sam so different from the rest of them, but it was also something that made Sam who he was and sitting in the woods, Caleb was having difficulty finding that boy behind the dark eyes, this time Sam's focus was different, he wasn't just going to rescue his brother, he was going to kill the person who took him. Caleb had seen that look before in many hunters eye, it was the look of revenge.

Sam stiffened when he heard a stifled scream from inside the cabin and Caleb pushed him back down as he went to stand.

"Caleb, get the fuck off of me." Sam said struggling to free himself from Caleb's grip.

"Sam stop, we have to wait for Bobby and your Dad. We need back up, you know we can't do this alone." Sam grabbed hold of Caleb's jacket and hauled him closer until they were sharing the same air.

"Listen to me, my brother is in there and he is in pain… I am not going to wait for backup on this. Do you know how much it takes to make my brother scream?" Caleb swallowed; he knew that if Dean was making those sounds, that Dean was on his final stretch of energy, and that he was in a lot of pain.

"Your brother is tough, he can wait five more minutes." Sam pushed Caleb back, logically he knew Caleb was right, but that didn't mean he was going to listen.

"I'm going in there to get my brother, are you coming with me or not?"

"You know I am kid." Caleb answered. He was going to get his ass kicked by John, but if he was honest with himself he wanted to get Dean back right now, he couldn't listen to those stifled screams anymore.

Caleb let Sam take point, just for the simple fact he wanted to keep the younger hunter in front of him so he could see him at all times. It was a small cabin and they eventually made it to the other side of the house and saw Dean leaning against the wall strung up by some cuffs that were chafing his wrists raw and bloody. Even from far back they could tell that Dean was bleeding bad.

"Go help him." Sam said. "I'll keep watch, I doubt she went far."

"Sammy-"

"Please." It was easier for Sam to keep himself grounded in the hunt if he wasn't dealing with Dean's wounds right now, and Caleb was one of the few people in the world Sam trusted to take care of his brother. Caleb nodded and made his way over to Dean slapping him lightly on the cheek trying to wake him up.

"Hey Deuce, time to wake up." Dean groaned and moved his head towards Caleb's voice.

"Open your eyes kid." Caleb pulled up Dean's shirt, and winced at the mirage of deep scratches and wounds, he had obviously lost a lot of blood. Caleb took off his plaid over shirt and pressed it to the worst of the wounds. Dean hissed at the contact and opened his eyes.

"At least buy me dinner first Damien…" Caleb laughed.

"Tell you what? Once we get you all healed up steak and beer is on me." Dean smiled and blinked sluggishy.

"Sounds good, gotta bring Sammy too he is probably pissed at me."

"I'm not pissed at you." Sam said from the far side of the room. Dean jerked his head up and met Sam's eyes.

"Shit kiddo, what the hell are you doing here?" Sam smirked.

"Someone had to come save your sorry ass."

"Where's Dad?"

"I dunno, Bobby and him are around here somewhere."

"They can't get in." Caleb and Sam whipped around guns on the woman who had just spoken.

"You must be our new witch friend." Caleb said. The woman laughed and sauntered towards him.

"That's right, and you shouldn't have come here." She flicked her wrist and Caleb and Sam were both disarmed, and Caleb was thrown against the wall beside Dean, Sam was pinned to the spot he was standing. She walked towards him and put her hand on his chin.

"Don't touch him you bitch." Dean choked out.

"So you are the other Winchester boy…" She said ignoring Dean. "I must say you look delicious." Sam quirked his head slightly.

"I can't tell if you are saying that in a cannibalistic way or if that was supposed to be a compliment… either way I'm not interested."

"Oh now don't be rude Sammy… I am just trying to be nice."

"Don't call me Sammy, you psycho bitch." She slapped him hard across the face before grabbing his face between her sharp nails. Sam hissed as she dug in.

"You want to rethink that statement."

"Not really… you hit like a girl." Sam went flying across the room and hit the wall with a sickening crack, the witch walked over and pulled him off the floor, pinning him against the wall with her hand at his throat.

"Got any last words kid?"

"Stop! Take me! Let him go!" Caleb yelled.

"Yeah I do." The witch let out a muffled cry as Sam stuck the knife he had been keeping his boot through her heart. "You really should have disarmed me." The witch's body fell to the ground with a thud. Sam stood there for a minute before sliding down the wall, staring at the blood pooling on the ground, and the blood on his hands and knife. He sat there until he heard the door slam open and John and Bobby ran in.

"Everyone okay? She locked down the damn cabin, we couldn't get in anywhere." Bobby asked. That snapped Sam out of his thoughts.

"Deans lost a lot of blood, he needs a hospital." Sam said. John nodded and made his way over to his oldest hauling him off the floor with the help of Bobby.

"What the hell were you two thinking running in here without backup?" John yelled.

"I wanted to stop my brother's screams." Sam said. John blinked but said nothing. Caleb cleared his throat trying to stop the situation from escalating.

"Seriously guys, we need to get him out of here." Caleb said. John nodded.

"We'll take him back with us, Caleb, Sam I need you to salt and burn the witch then meet us at the hospital in town okay?"

"Yeah okay." Caleb said. Sam reached out and touched the side of Dean's neck feeling his pulse, so he could keep in mind that he was alive during the time they would be separated, before turning to John.

"Take him to the hospital Dad… I mean it. There is no field treatment for this." John wanted to be mad at Sam, but he knew he was just worried about his brother, he also knew that through his actions, by leaving Dean in the woods, he had lost the last bit of trust Sam had in him.

"I promise Sam." John said. Sam nodded and let them go, and watched until they disappeared into the woods. Caleb knelt down next to the witch's body, and turned to Sam.

"What do you think we should do? Torch here outside or in here?" Sam shook his head.

"Lets just burn down this house of horrors…"

Caleb and Sam walked away from the burning house and through the woods in silence, and Caleb watched as Sam through his backpack into the back of his jeep, and winced holding his arm tightly across his chest. Caleb frowned and made his way over to the passenger side of the car.

"Sammy, are you hurt?" Caleb asked. Sam shook his head and took a step away from Caleb.

"Its nothing, lets just go see Dean." Caleb grabbed Sam by his shoulder and spun him around pinning him gently against the side of the Jeep.

"Deuce won't be able to have visitors until he is stitched up and pumped full of blood, and I am not dealing with his mama bear bullshit when he finds out you were hurt and I didn't do anything about it. So show me right now." Sam glared at Caleb but held out his arm, watching as Caleb rolled up his sleeve.

"I think I busted it hitting that wall."

"Shit kid, why didn't you say anything?" Sam's arm was already swollen and beginning to bruise, how the kid had managed to kill the witch and salt and burn the body without showing a hint of pain.

"Cause we needed to get the job done, I'll get it fixed up when we get to the hospital." Sam pulled his arm away and brought it back against his chest staring at Caleb defiantly.

"Okay. Lets go, the quicker you get that taken care of the quicker you can see your brother."

"Yeah, lets get the hell out of here… I hate the fucking woods."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

When Dean woke up he was dizzy and confused, and he instantly knew where he was. He could smell disinfectant and hear the beeping of machines around him. He was definitely in a hospital, and he was not happy about it, he hatted hospitals. He opened his eyes and saw his best friend pacing along the end of the bed.

"Stop pacing Damien, you are gonna make me throw up." Caleb quickly turned around and smirked down at the younger man.

"Well, now that we are awake we can talk about you and the way you seem to thrive on getting life threatening injuries." Dean frowned.

"I don't get hurt that often…"

"Yeah sure you don't… you are gonna make me gray before my time. That bitch cut you up pretty bad. Fifty three stitches, three cracked ribs, and a concussion… next time you wanna get laid, maybe find someone who doesn't like it so rough." Dean laughed, and then looked around the room.

"Where's Sam?" Caleb licked his lips and sat down in a plastic chair beside the hospital bed.

"He uhhh... he'll be back soon…" Dean pushed himself up a little grimacing at the wave of vertigo that assaulted him.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah he's fine, he broke his arm hitting the wall though, so he is downstairs in the emergency room getting it set and casted. Dumb little shit didn't even tell me until after we had salted and burned the bitch. I don't even think he would have said anything about it if I hadn't of seen him wincing. I can't believe he managed to kill her with one arm busted, you got one tough little brother there kiddo." Dean sighed and laid back down throwing his hand over his eyes.

"Shit… Sam killed the witch…" Dean had forgotten that little detail, and now the night came flooding back to him.

"Yeah… I had to give him a change of clothes before we came in here, he had blood all over his shirt…"

"How's he taking it?" Dean knew from experience first kills were hard, but he had never killed a human before, and even though she was a monster, she was still a person. Sam was always the moral one in the family, he knew the kill had to be weighing on his brothers conscience.

"He hasn't really said anything about it so far… he has been hard as rock since this whole thing started. Too worried about you I guess." Caleb said. Sam had kept that coldness to him since he found out Dean was missing.

"Go find him, I wanna talk to him."

"Talk to who?" Caleb turned and Sam was leaning in the doorway, wearing an old Auburn hoodie that he had borrowed from Caleb the night before. Sam walked across the room and sat carefully on Dean's bed beside his leg. Dean reached out and grabbed the clean white cast on Sam's left arm.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked. Sam rolled his eyes.

"I'm fine Dean… clean break, it'll be healed in four to six weeks." Dean eyed his brother, and saw the blue and black bruise Sam was trying to hide behind his bangs.

"What happened to your face?" Sam smirked, but Dean knew his brother, and knew Sam was currently trying to come up with a lie.

"My arm broke, didn't stop my head from colliding with the wall… its fine though just a bruise no concussion or anything." Dean glanced over at Caleb who had his head down, trying to avoid his friend's gaze.

"Besides the obvious injuries, anything you want to tell me?" Sam looked at Dean with a hard blank stare that chilled Dean to his core, that was the look of a hardened hunter and as far as Dean was concerned, it had no place on his little brothers face.

"I'm fine Dean… why don't you focus on yourself okay? You're the one who looks like he went through a cheese grater." For just a second Sam's eyes had a guilty look to them, before flickering back to hardened and flat.

"Sammy-" Dean was interrupted when his father walked into the room with Bobby in tow.

"Nice to see you awake son… how do you feel?" John asked.

"Like I was held captive by a witch with a serious knife fetish…" Dean watched as Sam vacated his spot beside him and moved into the background behind Caleb without looking at their father. Dean put the pieces together, and rolled his fists into balls. An anger coursing through him as he realized what had happened when he had been missing.

"Hey Sammy?" Dean asked. "Can you go get me some water or something, I'm kind of thirsty…" Sam nodded and pushed off the wall.

"Yeah sure Dean, I'll be right back." Sam walked out of the room and Dean's eyes landed on John. Caleb stood ready to break of a fight; he knew Dean had figured out the truth.

"Dad, did you punch him?" John tensed and looked at Dean.

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, he told me it happened on the hunt actually. Answer the question." John shook his head and looked down at the ground. Dean moved to sit up, grimacing when he felt the pull of his stitches. Caleb put a hand on his shoulder trying to keep him still.

"Calm down kid, you are gonna pop your stitches." Caleb said. Dean settled under Caleb's hand, but continued to shoot daggers at his father. Dean was a soldier, and always followed his Dad's orders, but when it came to Sam, Dean was over protective and Sam was the cause for most of the few fights between Dean and their father.

"He is a seventeen year kid, you do not hit him!"

"He was mouthy and he got my face." John grimaced as he realized how immature that sounded.

"I don't care! I don't care how mouthy he gets you do not lay your hands on him!" John came closer to his son.

"Do not tell me how to raise my kid Dean."

"He is not yours he's mine!" Dean was breathing heavily, shocked by what he had just said, it was true, but it was not something he spoke out loud.

"What?" John said, shrinking back slightly. Dean sighed and leaned back against the pillow.

"He may be your son, but I raised that kid…" Dean looked at his Dad one more time. "He is all we have left of Mom, and I protect him, don't hit him again." There was a tense minute where no one said nothing, where it seemed time had stopped, before John cleared his throat.

"Me and Bobby are gonna head back to the farm, Caleb bring my kids back when Dean is released."

"Yes sir." John and Bobby cleared out, before Dean spoke again.

"Were you there?"

"Yeah… Pastor Jim lost it on your Dad…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Caleb shrugged.

"I figured if Sam was lying to protect John's ass, there must be a good reason for it, like trying to keep you from busting a stitch." Dean nodded.

"Hey Damien? Can I ask you something?" Caleb sat down and looked at Dean.

"You can ask me anything." Dean sighed.

"Do you remember your first kill?"

"Doesn't everybody? It was a werewolf."

"No." Dean said shaking his head. "Your first human kill." Caleb looked at Dean.

"You know I do Deuce… You were there." Caleb had killed a man named Duran Hughes a couple years earlier in New York. Caleb and Duran had a dark history and then he had poisoned Sam and tried to kill Dean. The man had been fertilizing the cemetery behind the farm ever since.

"Do you still think about it?" Dean asked quietly. He was worried about what this human kill would do to Sammy, and he had never killed another human being before, he didn't know how to relate to Sam.

"Yeah I do." Caleb couldn't lie, not to Dean. "Sometimes I can see his face in the monsters I hunt, sometimes I dream about what happened that night… but it doesn't happen as often as it used to."

"Do you ever regret it?" Caleb smirked.

"Not for a second." Caleb answered honestly.

"Really?" Dean said. He seemed surprised by the quick admission.

"I was protecting my family Deuce. I would do it again, and so would Sam." Dean swallowed and wiped a hand down his face.

"I just don't want this to change him, and something is wrong, he is so cold…"

"He is also worried about you right now, just talk to him. Get him to do the whole Sammy share and care when we get back to the farm, and I am sure he will be fine. After all you are the only person the little brat listens to." Dean nodded, he would talk to Sam when they got back to the farm.

"Alright, enough of this, get me an AMA form and lets get the hell out of here." Caleb laughed.

"That's my boy." Sam sauntered back into the room and passed a cup of water to Dean.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked.

"Nothing Runt, lets get the hell out of here."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

It was a strangely quiet day when they got back to the farm. Bobby and John stayed in the kitchen; Jim was busy in The Hunters Tomb collecting research for other hunters, while Caleb, Sam, and Dean were upstairs in their bedrooms. Caleb was getting some much needed rest, while Dean was laying on his back watching Sam out of the corner of his eye.

To anyone else it would appear that Sam was reading whatever textbook he had laid out on his bed, but Sam hadn't flipped the page in the past ten minutes. Dean was worried about his younger brother; Sam had maintained the same stiff posture he had been carrying since the hunt, and he had been unusually quiet except when he was doing whatever Dean needed him to do, like bring him meds, water or food. In fact Sam was being oddly compliant.

Dean knew his little brother, and he knew this had something to do with the witch, after all no matter how evil the bitch was she was still a human being, and if that was weighing on Sam as much as it was weighing on Dean, the youngest Winchester was getting close to folding under the weight of it.

"You should take something for that arm Sammy." Dean said causing Sam to look up curiously.

"What?"

"Your arm must hurt like a bitch, you did finish a salt and burn without telling anyone you were hurt… fucking idiot." Sam shrugged and kept his eyes downcast.

"It isn't that bad… nothing compared to what you walked out with…" Dean smirked.

"Yeah well, gashes and stitches leaves scars, but they will heal, a concussion can't fuck my head up much more then it already is, and there ain't much you can do for broken ribs… you however can make sure you don't cripple your hand all to hell."

"It isn't the first time I've broken my wrist Dean… it'll be fine." Dean sighed and pushed himself up with a grimace, feeling stitches pull painfully against his tender skin and walked over to the other side of the room and leaning against Sam's bed.

"Move over."

"Huh?"

"C'mon Sammy, I'm injured and I know you aren't gonna make me stand here." Sam shifted to the other side of the bed, and Dean sat on the side closest to the door, leaning back against the headboard. He looked at Sam, and pushed the bangs out of his face, pushing on the bruise that had formed around his eye. Sam winced and pulled back glaring at Dean.

"What the hell you doing that for?" Dean shrugged.

"I think I would have rather gotten that from a wall then from Dad's fist." Sam sighed and leaned back brushing his shoulder against Dean's.

"Did Caleb tell you?" Dean smirked.

"He didn't have to." Sam nodded, Dean knew him better then anyone, of course he would figure out he was lying.

"I antagonized him, yelled at him, told him I was taking it out of his ass if we didn't find you alive… I kind of asked for it."

"Yeah you do that… doesn't mean you deserved it though."

"It's fine, he was just as worried as I was, and our Winchester tempers flared their ugly heads, he is back to normal now so we will just forget it ever happened and move on." This was Dean's opening, and he knew it, so he took a chance hoping Sam wouldn't shut him down.

"So if he is back to normal, and I am safe, why are you still tense as hell?" Sam sighed.

"Dean-"

"Look Sammy… I know we aren't kids anymore… and you think you are all grown up and shit, but… you can still talk to me…" Sam smirked.

"I thought we weren't allowed chick flick moments anymore De."

"I'll give you a pass this time, as long as you tell me what the hell is going on in that giant geeky brain of yours." Sam swallowed and rubbed a hand over his face.

"I killed a person last night Dean." And there it was, Dean had finally got him to say it out loud.

"You were defending yourself against a witch Sam, none of us would have done anything different. " Sam shook his head, a clear look of confusion written on his face.

"I didn't care what she did to me, I went into those woods knowing I might have to kill her, I was prepared for that. I could hear you screaming, and I knew she was gonna die." Sam looked at Dean, for the first time the cold ice of his eyes thawing. "I killed her because of what she did to you, and I didn't even flinch… hell I might have enjoyed it a little bit." Dean nodded understanding where Sam was coming from, that cold hatred got the best of all them at one time or another.

"And that scares you…" Sam nodded.

"It fucking terrifies me…" Sam faltered before continuing. "Hunting has always been a part of life, something I had to do… but I've never enjoyed it…"

Dean knew that, Sam was different then him in so many ways. Dean remembered a normal life that was ripped away from him, leading him into this life of destroying evil, and he enjoyed his job. Sam was born into this life, no memory of happiness only the thirst for a normal life he had been deprived of, and he hunted because it was expected of him, nothing more.

"You didn't do anything wrong Sammy…"

"I know that… I know that I did what I had to do, and we all got out there, but I can't get this sinking feeling out of my stomach…"

"Alright kiddo, I need you to listen to me okay?" Sam looked up at Dean and nodded slowly. "You saved my life, you did what you had to do and you got us all out of there. Carry that with you Sam, you protected your family, that's all that matters."

"How do I do that? I do I make this go away." Dean smiled.

"Give it time, just like your arm, it'll heal." Sam frowned and stared at Dean's chest, which was covered, but Sam knew where each one of the stitches was placed.

"And what about the scars it leaves?" Dean lifted Sam's chin and looked him in the eye.

"They'll fade, and someday you'll barely notice them." Sam forced a smile.

"Thanks Dean."

"Moment over?" Sam laughed.

"Yeah moment over…."

"Good, I'm gonna get some sleep." Dean went to stand but Sam pulled him back down by the collar of his shirt.

"You sleep here, I gotta take some research to the Tomb for Jim anyway…" Dean didn't argue, quite okay with not having to move again.

Sam watched as Dean closed his eyes, and he crouched down at the end of his bed pulling some envelopes out of his backpack and he walked out of the bedroom closing the door behind him.

Sam walked into the Tomb where Pastor Jim was leaning over some books. The Guardian smiled at the teenager who sat down across from him.

"Can I help you with Samuel?"

"Maybe… if I ask something of you, can you promise no one will find out until the time is right?" The Pastor frowned and sat down in the chair across from Sam.

"Are you asking me this as a Pastor? As The Guardian? Or as a friend?" Sam shrugged.

"Whichever means I can count on your secrecy… this is something that has to come from me, but I can't say anything about it now." Jim searched the young boys eyes, and he nodded.

"You have my word Samuel." Sam nodded and slid the envelopes across the table. Jim eyed them and then looked back up at the boy. "College applications?" Sam's watery eyes met Jim's.

"I can't stay here Jim… I just need a place to use as a home address… and I can't exactly use the Impala."

"You may use this address Samuel, it is your home, but in turn I need a promise from you."

"Okay."

"Please don't run away, you need to talk to your Dad and your brother about this."

"I will… once I get my acceptance." Jim nodded.

"Very well."

"Are you disappointed in me Jim?" The Pastor laughed warmly.

"Not in the slightest, I have always known you had aspirations outside of this world, I do not blame you for that, just remember you always have a place here with us. You are part of the Brotherhood, this will not change that."

"Thanks Jim." Sam stood and went to walk out the door, before stopping. "Jim? Does your God forgive murder?" Jim thought for a second trying to the best words possible to comfort the young hunter.

"He is not my God Samuel… but I do believe God is capable of forgiving for many things, and protecting ones family is not the worst sin, nor it one I believe requires his forgiveness."

"That's not really an answer..."

"It's the only answer you need my boy, God punishes the wicked and you are far from wicked." Sam smiled sadly.

"I'm not sure about that…" Sam walked out of the room leaving Jim alone. The Pastor turned his silver rind around his finger.

"I'm sure Samuel, you three are going to be the best of all of us."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

7 Months Later

It happened in New York. Sam and Dean were sitting in the kitchen of an old run down house they were currently crashing in, going over the case notes for the hunt that had brought them all there. John had gone out, apparently meeting up with Jim, who was in town on some kind of conference, before they went on the hunt.

Dean frowned as Sam winced in pain and began to rub at his shoulder. Sam 's shoulder had never quite healed from the Rakshasa a few months back. While the injury itself had left nothing but a scar, it was giving Sam trouble especially when he had been bent over a book for too long, it was like the muscle stiffened and Sam couldn't work out the kinks.

"You want some Tylenol or something Sammy?" Sam hid behind his bangs subconsciously and stopped rubbing at the injury. Dean rolled his eyes, like Sam could ever hide anything from him.

"It's fine Dean."

"You're in pain." Sam shrugged.

"It comes with the territory right? Now shut up, trying to translate this damn thing." Dean sighed, yeah injuries came with the territory, but it seemed kind of pointless, when Sam was leaving.

Sam had been nothing but studious the last couple of months, he was quiet, worked hard on hunts, and Dean knew it was because the inevitable was coming. Sam would be leaving soon, and he was trying to make the last few months go by in relative peace.

"Whatever kid. At least use the heating pad. I'm going on a coffee run, you want something." Sam nodded.

"Usual."

"So Half Calf French vanilla, extra frou frou shit? I am telling you Sammy, I am gonna grow boobs just ordering that shit." Sam glared out from behind his hair, but he couldn't conceal the slight smirk.

"Triple red eye." Dean laughed.

"Better."

When Dean returned, it was to his Dad's truck in the driveway, and a familiar sound, that had faded from the Winchester world over the past few months: yelling. Dean booked it up the driveway, and busted through the door straight into a standoff between his brother and father.

John had his hands clenched in tight fists, while Sam who was standing on the other end of the room, looking oddly dejected, arms looped around his chest, like the fight had just been beaten out of him.

"What the hell is going on?" Dean said dropping the forgotten coffees on the table beside him. Both of the other Winchester's looked up at Dean like they hadn't realized he was there.

"Did you know?" John snarled. Dean took a step back.

"Know what?" Sam stepped between John and Dean, pushing Dean back towards the door.

"He didn't know Dad, leave him out of this." Dean didn't know what made him stand there, and let Sam lie for him, but he did.

"Well Dean, Sam seems to think he is taking off for Stanford next month. Jim gave me this when I saw him." John waved a plain manila envelope in the air. "Figured I deserved to know what my son was getting delivered to Jim's place."

"You had no right." Sam said.

"I'm your father, and you kept this from me!"

"It's my life! I am going to do something good with it!"

"Yeah you are, you are gonna stay here and hunt with me and your brother, and you are going to take your place in the Brotherhood." Sam's head snapped up and he eyed John coldly.

"I am not staying, and you can't force me. I'm not a child. I am done with this, can we just finish the research for this stupid hunt." Sam attempted to walk past his father, but John grabbed him by the shoulder. Dean winced, because that was Sam's injured shoulder, but John didn't seem to notice.

"If you leave. You better leave now. And leave knowing that if anything happens to me or your brother, that's on your hands." Sam jerked away from his father's grip but left less then a foot of space between them.

"No Dad. Anything that happens, and everything that has already happened to us, is on your hands not mine." Sam picked up his duffel bag of the ground, he had never unpacked, which now seemed to be a good thing, and walked towards the door.

"I mean it Sam. If you leave, don't ever come back." Sam's eyes darkened, and Dean felt his chest tighten.

"Dad…" Dean whispered, but no one seemed to hear him.

"Fine." Sam replied. He stopped just inside the door and looked back over his shoulder. "You claim you do all this for your family, but all you do is tear what's left of it to pieces and feed us to the wolves. I can live the rest of my life with this decision. I just hope you can too." Sam then walked out the front door with a slam, without another look back. John's hands unclenched, and he turned to the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey, and then he eyed Dean.

"Go Dean." Dean looked up in confusion. "I know you are gonna go after him anyway, so do what you have to do, get him to the bus stop safe." John turned away and slammed the bedroom door, leaving Dean alone in the room, the last place his family had stood whole.

Dean pulled up next to Sam who was walking down the side of the road in the pouring rain. Sam just stood there staring at the car in the darkness, so Dean rolled down the window.

"I'll take you to the bus stop." Dean said. Sam suddenly looked at him, and Dean could tell that Sam was crying, had waited until he was clear of the Winchester domain before letting the tears fall. Sam climbed into the car and let the wet strands of his hair fall into his face. Dean pulled back onto the road and he looked at his brother out of the corner of his eye.

"You are gonna get sick." Dean said suddenly, which made Sam laugh for some reason.

"I think a cold is the least of my problems."

"Yeah I guess it is." Sam looked at Dean with those wide eyes that had always made the men around him melt.

"Dean-"

"Don't… Please Sammy…" They travelled in silence the rest of the way and then sat in the parking lot of the bus depot, both waiting for something, but neither of them were sure what. Sam sighed and eventually got out of the car, Dean following closely behind him.

"You don't have to do this Sammy…" Sam smiled sadly.

"Yes I do…"

"But… why?" Sam looked at Dean, and couldn't deny his older brother the truth.

"I can't be… that... the killing and the blood, I can't watch it anymore." Dean closed his eyes, and then put a hand on his brother's good shoulder, pulling him in for a tight hug. Sam gasped at the sudden affection before wrapping his hands around Dean. Dean released him quicker then Sam would have liked and looked down at his keys.

"Make me proud Sammy." Sam swallowed; he didn't know what to say that.

"Good bye Dean." Sam turned and walked away, and Dean said nothing in return. They didn't make a habit of saying good bye to each other, because in their world good bye could mean forever, and Dean didn't want to believe that was what Sammy had meant.

If he didn't say goodbye back, maybe it wouldn't seal the deal, maybe it wouldn't be forever.

THE END.


End file.
